You’ve heard of Bored in the House, but have you ever heard of Bored in Johannesburg South?

Not likely.  There’s always something worth looking twice at.

If you’ve ever read Harry Potter, you’ll be familiar with the Room of Requirement. It’s a magically enchanted room which can become anything the seeker needs. Hideout, training room, a place to stash your goods, it’s as good (or bad) as required. Hence the name.

The concept draws parallels to Johannesburg South, where impressions vary according to the user. To those within, it’s a safe and vibrant place where we laugh in the face of danger (ha ha ha). To outsiders, it’s the Wild West of Gauteng, where you watch where you park and ‘don’t stuff around, boet, we shoot people here’. The reality? The South is what you need it to be. And that, in itself, is something magical.

The trick to navigating Joburg South is understanding one basic fundamental; we love a shortcut. Traffic? Back roads through Mondeor. Power out (again)? We know which shopping centre has generators. Your peeping neighbour saying, “get LTE, it’s the same as Fibre”?

… Ja neh. About that…

To many, LTE has become the default answer when Fibre isn’t available. Why? Because it’s quick to set up, quite affordable, and doesn’t entail the hazard of digging up pavement in the South (nobody knows what lurks beneath). Sounds perfect? It is – until everyone else has the same idea.

Men from Johannesburg South around the LTE router

Here’s why LTE isn’t always the answer in Johannesburg South:

You’re not the only one:

Here’s the thing; your LTE Connection isn’t reserved for you alone. You’re actually sharing it with users around you. So, if half of Glenvista has decided to watch the Rugby, Mulbarton is downloading The Polygamist (shame on you, Jonasi), and someone in Bassonia is doing… Bassonia things with their shared family Wi-Fi, your Internet feels it.

Which explains why LTE can be brilliant at 10am yet forget how to Internet come bedtime.

It’s not broken. It’s just busy. Which is kind of logical in the South, and completely logical on the N12.

Five Bars Doesn’t Mean Five Stars:

Most of us are used to Five Bars equalling the latest listing from Allegiance Properties Soma. When it comes to LTE though, bars are money.

We’ve all done the LTE dance at some point (it’s like Jerusalema, but for Routers). Move it left, turn slightly, reach to window, stand on one leg, then threaten to Bliksem it. Sometimes it works. Usually, it doesn’t. Because signal strength is only part of the bigger picture.

You can have full bars yet still experience laggy, buffering Teams calls, pixelated video and enough Gaming lag to make you question life itself. Fact is, if the tower is congested, those bars are just for vibes.

Turns out “Unlimited” is actually… Limited

Just read the fine print.

Unlimited LTE is kind of like those “unlimited” shooters – technically true, until someone points out the terms and conditions.

Most LTE packages include Fair Use Policies (FUP) which can kick in and reduce your speed after heavy use. So, if you consider COD Updates, backups, and weekend long 4K streaming light browsing, don’t be surprised if (when) things slow down.

The South Chows Internet

Let’s call a spade a spade.

Most households don’t just use a single laptop. Mom works from home. Dad watches YouTube on the… throne. The kids are gaming. The TV runs in the background. ChatGPT drains JHB Water (apparently). The fridge and doorbell probably need Wi-Fi too. That’s a LOT to ask from a shared mobile network.

It’s not limited to specifically to the South, but when you assess home density, number of suburbs, and active users, the strain on LTE towers in that particular region is quite daunting.

Solution?

Qualify for Fibre? Get Fibre. Not even a debate.

It’s more stable, handles multiple loads, and doesn’t care whether Winchester Hills is streaming the rugby on a Sunday. Not available? LTE will do the job; just don’t expect it to behave like it’s private school cousin because the website said it will.

The Bottom Line

LTE isn’t the villain.

It’s just been promoted way above its pay grade.

For one or two users? Great.

For a busy Johannesburg South household where everyone wants internet at exactly the same time? Let’s just say LTE starts sweating harder than someone trying to merge onto the N1 without indicating.