Nothing tests your patience (or makes you question your sanity) quite like lag (well, maybe Home Affairs – but that’s a story for another day). You click a previously working button full of hopes and dreams, then… nothing.

Just nothing.

Nothing but frustration, a slow-moving loading bar, and (if you’re lucky) that cute jumping dinosaur – although even he gets tired after a while. Then you’re stuck, paused awkwardly, thinking of new expletives and ready to tweet your ISP.

Maybe you’re gaming (the worst), playing YouTube for the kids (also the worst), or just trying to test your Internet (not the worst, but top 10), or all the above – but a little lag is all it takes to make anyone pull their hair out.

Today, we talk lag (go figure).

More importantly, we understand how it works, why it happens, and how to fix it (so that maybe our Twitter feed can be a bit more peaceful).

First off, let’s define and differentiate:

Contrary to popular belief, Lag does not equal slow Internet.

Slow Internet is like an Atos in the fast lane. It goes seemingly nowhere, refuses to move even if you bang something in anger, but ultimately has an end destination in mind. Slow, steady and terrible it may be – but it’s nothing if not consistently frustrating. 

Lag, on the other hand, is like a JHB Metro Cop. Sometimes they wave you through, other times they feel parched and really need a cold drink, and most of the time you don’t know what you’re in for. Maybe they ask questions. Maybe they don’t. Maybe your ID book suddenly sprouts a R50. It’s the opposite of consistent – and impossible to predict.

Tech wise, Lag is defined as the delay between sending a device request and the time it takes to receive a response. Longer delays = more lag. And the more familiar you become with Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.

So, who’s to blame?

We’re bringing receipts. Strap in:

  1. A Congested Network.

If Mom and Dad are working, one of the kids is gaming, the other is streaming in 4k and the next-door neighbour is doing heaven knows what while your nephew updates 325 apps at once, you’re in for a chaotic time. More congestion = more delays – just like the highway. Thanks Atos.

  • Geriatric Equipment

Like the lady in the office who used to be the CEO’s assistant, old routers do *sometimes* work, but there are more efficient alternatives. Outdated tech simply can’t handle the demands of higher speed Fibre lines (but thankfully, there’s a Wi-Fi Upgrade for that)…

  • Poor Coverage

If your walls are thick and your corridors long, you either live in Mordor or have serious Wi-Fi issues. It’s a struggle over here, and the weaker your signal, the worse your lag.

  • High Latency Servers

If the service you’re connecting to is based on the other side of the planet (or some dodgy server from 2022), you’ll naturally experience more delays.

Problem? Found.

Now let’s look at solutions.

  1. Clean up your network:

Either kindly (or aggressively – you choose) proceed with kicking unnecessary devices off your network. You may find a neighbour stashed away somewhere – or that your teenage son has his PS, PC, Phone, Tablet, and vape (which definitely belongs to his friend) simultaneously connected to your poor struggling Wi-Fi.

  • Upgrade your Router/Invest in a Mesh:

Like we said, we know a guy…

  • Improve your coverage:

Like we said, walls and corridors are a big problem. Unless you’re against open plan layouts. Where you place your Router is as important as the device you choose. Make sure yours is central, and not next to anything with interference (yes, even your microwave can be a problem. It’s a thing).

  • Check your server:

Gaming or streaming? Using a VPN? Pick the closest server. Yes, we’re all about K-Pop, but if your nearest option is Korea, maybe… don’t? Local is lekker, remember?

Let’s wrap it up (coz this is getting a bit on the long side):

Lag is more than just bad internet. It bends the fabric of time, space and reality to suck you into a void of non-responsiveness (just like any customer support channel ever). But with the proper setup, a bit of whip cracking, and a lot of know-how, you can (hopefully) enjoy smoother, uninterrupted Internet to your heart’s content.

Now, go forth and be lag-free.